Writings on the wall...
Books:
Inspired by The Pillow Book of Sei Shōnagon, this collection of lists and words speaks to the thoughts and observations of a modern day punctilious.
Over 70 poems on everything from the dystopia of modern society to a poem about a stranger's tattoos. Subjects range from the importance of the simple things, recognizing now, and making change.
By contemplating the present, the subtleties of how time changes from when we write about subjects, much like Shōnagon's day, are addressed. So, what was once real or worth contemplating, is now no longer the same. And may be different by the time you read this.
Just as our thoughts and interests jump around and change, so do the order of these pieces. They weave in and back to topics throughout the collection, remarking on impending world catastrophe, then moving to a piece on the simple joy of a phone message. And wondering about an old friend, to the beauty of an intact sock.
Because it's paper free, this book helps protect the environment.
Buy this book to help protect waterways, wildlife and forests even more. One dollar from the sale of each book will be donated to the Wilderness Committee, Canada's largest membership based environmental organization; working to protect biodiversity since 1980. Foremost, sales from each book donated will go towards efforts to protect the Central Walbran Valley, a stunning grove of old-growth in the heart of Vancouver Island.
October 13, 2021: One day someone will know how I like my coffee, what makes me laugh, and will read me to sleep at night. And for a while, I'll feel less lonely.
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October 9, 2021: Too bad you can't homework yourself better.
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September 25, 2021: It almost felt normal taking the bus today after one and a half years. Except everyone's wearing masks, gas is $145.9, and none of you are here.
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September 23, 2021: I need nice right now. I'm too broken for anything else.
I feel like a dementor has been looming over me and I don't know how to make a patronus.
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September 11, 2021: headlights, a moth, I felt it, and it was gone.
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September 9, 2021: Some days it is just a thread.
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September 8, 2021: I miss you like death.
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August 12, 2021: to be honest, I am not well.
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August 9, 2021: 20's are for doing and dancing and drinking, 30's are for dying.
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August 6, 2021: Will the anvils ever become balloons?
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August 5, 2021: cementrix - when you think something is more permanent or stable than it is.
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August 3, 2021: What if living for yourself means not living at all?
It's not strength that's keeping me here, it's my weakness that's not letting me go.
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June 14, 2021: I think if I start I won't stop, and if I stop I won't start. Mourner's limbo.
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June 13, 2021: When life throws lemons at you, find a lime instead, get some tequila and make a margarita tower.
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June 9, 2021: I don't understand the point of any of this, but I know I love you, 22 is not enough, and you've changed my life forever.
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June 5, 2021: sometimes short lives last longer.
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May 28, 2021: Skin as old as rainbows.
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May 23, 2021: Every fold beautiful.
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May 15, 2021: 8:29am
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May 12, 2021: I've started dreaming of you. I've held you most nights as you've pulled me back. I feel your almost arrival. Not mine but the most mine that can be.
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May 9, 2021: Could this be enough for me - getting off to podcasts and taking pictures of another family?
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May 1, 2021: A rush to get through the hike to the sea, and I do it too. But sometimes pass slowly through the trees, and give them their due.
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April 12, 2021: A fish and some plastic bags won't save the world, but at least it's something...
It's always easier to be optimistic about someone else's problems.
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April 11, 2021: Sometimes what we need is there, just in another form.
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April 1, 2021: My consolation prize is living.
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March 13, 2021: My fake happy pretend world is in pretend worlds - books and movies and fictional realms.
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March 4, 2021: There's so little point in trying, when we're all so close to dying.
Yes, I grieve for her, in a strange sad way. I have been pulled back down to the nook I have found home.
You can't talk to the living about death. Only with the going can you be received.
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March 3, 2021: Today grief looks like sorting files into clean sharp rows, flowers in glass vases and puzzles from an old friend.
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February 8, 2021: Whether medication or madess, in these brief moments some fog from grief or sadness is lifting, and it is such a beautiful thing.
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February 7, 2021: The horse is a motorbike, the sword a rope, and the prince a lady.
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February 4, 2021: Side effects: if it's not listed, it isn't real.
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January 26, 2021: Thrive, even in this wild darkness.
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January 25, 2021: Am I taking the pills or are the pills taking me?
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January 2, 2021: Remind yourself that you're enough. The world will rarely do it for you.
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January 1, 2021: I thought of all the darkness, but also the possibility.
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December 30, 2020: Outnumbered by the galaxies, we float among the stars.
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December 9, 2020: If ever we were witches...
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December 2020: Some days I think of you and remember cigarettes and kitty litter.
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November 22, 2020: In many ways they are gone, but they stay with us like ink in skin. Finally, an external pain mirrors the internal.
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November 3, 2020: But who do I say I am?
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October 5, 2020: Getting turned on by 40-year old magazines.
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October 3, 2020: Day so empty, heart so full.
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August 27, 2020: Today grief is my shadow, absent meetings and the moving stars.
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August 26, 2020: True friendship is nothing changing, even when everything has changed.
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July 25, 2020: Looking for words beyond devastated and loss... but thankful you connected us.
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July 22, 2020: Back among the foxgloves and the forest; ferns and ocean breeze.
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July 6, 2020: Functional but not fine.
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July 3, 2020: I shouldn't have, but I stopped. I looked down at all the places and wanted to fall too. Instead I embedded your name on a pole and drove away.
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June 14, 2020: I have nothing to give you. Maybe I never did. And maybe... that's the point.
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June 13, 2020: After spending so many days with the dead, it felt strange to be again with the living.
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June 12, 2020: We weren't meant for this world. And the thing that took her, that calls to us each day, reminds us of that.
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June 11, 2020: They take part of us with them. And then we fight to make the rest of us stay. Or go...
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June 10, 2020: It echoes. It reaches. Take me with you. Hold me back.
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June 9, 2020: When you don't want to be anywhere but you don't want to be alone.
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June 8, 2020: There is nowhere that has not been marred by hatred.
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June 2, 2020: What does me not coming say? What will you feel more comfortable discussing without me there? The silence of my absence may say something about who I am. If you ask me, I will tell you one by one. The time for talking is over.
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May 25, 2020: I determine whether you value me by the amount of time your phone is away when we spend time together.
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May 11, 2020: The counsel have met on issues of abuse and assertiveness and the jury is still out...
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May 7, 2020: Now, when we need you most, and always. Thank you to all nurses and essential/frontline workers!
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May 3, 2020: Hanging out with the rocks...and pretending I could climb them.
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April 25, 2020: There is no sorrow this deep. All love for Arbour.
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February 15, 2020: Feelings tossed up and down like jump rope, but I haven't skipped in years.
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February, 2020: I hadn't noticed the compelling weight, until I could breathe again.
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October, 2019: When you said "if."
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September 21, 2019: We're wearing holes in the patterns.
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August 10, 2019: Lithium, turning intelligence into fog since 1817.
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Hiatus - another word for procrastination, losing interest, or bankruptcy (or...medication interference)
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December 25, 2018: We etch laugh lines on each other's faces.
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December 5, 2018: Reason #21 to be with someone - so you have someone to take photos if you're phone dies.
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November 11, 2018: Stardust and memory, foreshadowing frost.
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March 9, 2018: If God hates the gays, then why are there so many Queer Christians?
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March 8, 2018: My heart says: you love him. My mind tells me: say something. But my feet won't move.
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December 2, 2017: You don't go back for what you don't love.
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November 1, 2017: Today my shadow told me - you're beautiful.
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August 2017: The summer gets lost in camping, stars, bioluminescent swims and time passing...and then, it's (almost) September.
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June 27, 2017: I can't lie. Lithium has saved my life. But there's much that is missing. I may have been manic, but there were times when I thought I could do anything. Life seemed limitless. Now I know that it's not. It's like turning an optimist into a realist and expecting they won't put up a fight. I'm just not sure what my strategy is...
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June 25, 2017: Right then I wanted to be enveloped by the stars. I feel like only they understood me.
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June 24, 2017: Sometimes my life feels like a compilation of decisions other people make for me...
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June 18, 2017: Happy Father's Day to all the boys who became men who became fathers. Not sperm donors or biological sideshows, but active, loving, imperfect dads.
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June 11, 2017: Whether it would be described as a place of amethyst lovers, strange alters, or hippies sharing, I saw amazing courage, inner battles, and a safe space. I think the latter is often hard to find...
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June 10, 2017: There's so much emphasis on relationships, body image, certain careers and lifestyles; it's hard to remind ourselves that these don't have to be our definition of ideals.
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June 8, 2017: I saw something purely beautiful pass between two people today and thought: damn, I want that.
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June 5, 2017: If you had to leave your home tomorrow, what would you put in your one suitcase?
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June 2, 2017: I want to be a boulder, but I'm a pebble; I want to be the storm, but I'm a gust; I want to shout change, but I seem to only whisper it in my dreams.
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May 29, 2017: I don't envy her sickness, I envy her ability to be open about it.
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May 23, 2017: Who am I today? a woman, person of colour, queer, pacifist, or bipolar... I can't portray or defend more than one at a time or I'll be labelled an extremist and not be taken seriously.
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May 17, 2017: We must love our bodies and ourselves, no matter how unlovely and unlovable we feel.
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May 9, 2017: You don't have to campaign to get my vote, you just need to win and make things different.
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April 26, 2017: I am grateful not to be in your shoes, but I have worn them, lived near them, and loved them, so still my heart breaks.
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April 23, 2017: I'm attracted to personalities, similar ideals and interests, not the box checked on a birth certificate...
I want to be with someone caring and willing to put up with my crazy. What parts they were born with is less crucial to me.
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April 22, 2017: = photographing an earth day event, test driving an electric car, new possibilities...
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April 19, 2017: Today I realized yet another way in which I am blessed and privileged. I never have to pay attention to whether there is a ramp or elevator where I am. As far as mobility goes, almost everywhere is accessible to me.
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April 8, 2017: I met 29 with rainy beaches, owl post, and tulips.
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March 22, 2017: Sometimes I think nothing changes because we gave up believing a long time ago.
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March 10, 2017: Taking care of, and loving, a dog that's not mine, makes me wonder if I could ever foster a child and then have to let them go...
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March 1, 2017: Ash Wednesday. I've decided to try and give up swearing for the next forty days. Not just because I have a bit of a potty mouth, but also to try and reflect more on what I say. Hopefully love comes out more than hate; also acceptance, hope, and peace.
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February 21, 2017:
Sometimes living with someone is more lonely than living alone.
Sometimes being with someone is more lonely than being alone. By yourself, you expect the silence, and can learn to think out loud.
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February 14, 2017: The more you love, the more you let go.
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February 6, 2017: The number of times we've broken each other's hearts is uncountable.
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January 29, 2017: You changed me. Not because You tried to make me a different person, but because You loved me for who I was.
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January 21, 2017:
One word said twice has power.
How many positives equal/overshadow one negative?
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December 31, 2016: Try to remember and celebrate the good days.
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December 15, 2016: The way we've been raised: Not enough.
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December 3, 2016: For someone that doesn't like to live their life in debt, I daily owe a wealth of gratitude to so many people. For their support, encouragement, and love.
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November 2, 2016: Tell me you're doing well. For now, that can be enough for both of us.
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October 24, 2016: Every day is a blessing and a victory.
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October 06, 2016: I'm nothing if not in control... or I was. Now it seems my life is controlled by dietary restrictions, supplements, and - most of all - medication. How a small white and pink pill can change so much... But I've been struggling with living so long without it, so long in my perceived control, that I should welcome it all.
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September 26, 2016: It's a Jekyll and Hyde kinda life right now...
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September 10, 2016: It's like all these appointments with doctors and changes that I'm making, and it seems like such a big deal for nothing, because I still haven't completely accepted that being mentally unwell is the same as being physically unwell. As everyone's been saying, being bipolar is equal to being diabetic or having to take medication for heart disease. Just as important, just as body exhausting, just as real. I'm holding on to the same stigmas that everyone in our society upholds.
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September 9, 2016: I got to a place where I realized the person my silence was hurting the most was me.
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September 6, 2016: The candle burns at both ends, but then the candle doesn't burn at all...
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September 2, 2016: Whatever gets you through the day, and helps you see some light, hold on to that!
